Monday, October 20, 2008

Essay #1 Rough Draft

“In January 1667, The Susquehannahs (Natives) had, in a most inhumane maner, murthered no less then 60 innocent people, no ways guilty of any actual injury don on these ill disarming, brutish heathen... In the 1670’s, these attacks were on the rise in Virginia. As the Natives continued to attack the Virginians, Sir William Berkeley took very little action and failed to defend the Virginians. Nathaniel Bacon demanded Berkeley to supply him with a military commission so he could take care of this problem, but Berkeley turned Bacon down because he wanted to establish peace with the native tribes. Since Berkeley’s plan to make peace with the Natives wasn’t working, Nathaniel Bacon went along with what he thought needed to be done even if it was against Berkeley. While Berkeley believed that Nathaniel bacon was wrong for attacking the natives without permission from the government, in reality, Bacon should have been seen as a hero for being on the right side of this issue.

Many Virginians, including unemployed former indentured servants, thought Berkeley stood on the wrong side of this issue. What the Virginians thought was important was their safety, not making peace with the Natives. The Virginians wanted Nathaniel Bacon to lead them since he was supposedly on their side for this issue. “When Bacon threatened to act without authorization, Berkeley declared him a rebel. The response was a public wave of support for Bacon, frightening Berkeley enough to trigger him to finally schedule an election for a new House of Burgesses. Bacon was elected, and Berkeley let him take his seat on the Council briefly.” After that Bacon went along with his plans. “Bacon quickly left Jamestown rallied a mob, and attacked innocent Occaneechi, Tutelo, and Saponi Indians.” Then after all that Bacon's forces captured Berkeley’s and then Bacon burned the town.

Bacon’s rebellion started because Native tribes were attacking the Virginians. Since the government wouldn’t protect them they came to Bacon because he wanted to take out the Natives. Bacon stopped the Natives attacking the Virginians but the Virginians still died because of Bacon burned Jamestown. The confusing thing is that if Bacon’s Rebellion didn’t happen, the killing of the innocent Virginians would’ve continued and Jamestown would have been destroyed because no one would’ve protected them. But the rebellion did happen and innocent Virginians still died because they came to someone they believed could solve their problem. The outcome would’ve have been the same either way.

6 comments:

Miguel Orallo said...

what i notcied...

only three paragaphs? not enough info to tell us what your trying to get across.

also... you dont have a introcutory and concluding sentence, or the one paragaph that states "how it relates to today."

your first quote was never ended.

i think it would be good to add in where you go the quotes

megannn said...

-length could be improved (especially in the body part of the essay because you only have 1 body paragraph)
-quotes are good but you should add more details to support the quotes.
-its a good start but it needs to be expanded to get your viewpoints across to the reader better.

Zachary Silverton said...

You have potential. You need to add more opinions, and you forgot the crucial paragraph connecting Bacon's Rebellion to today. GL though. And now, for 1337. |]0 17!!1one!!1

Miss Amber Kristine :) said...

The essay was pretty good. But i felt it didn't not cover as much as it could have. Also, the quotes had no citations. Where did you get them from? One last thing, the first quote didn't have an end quote.
But it was pretty good overall.
good job (:

Briana Grosche said...

I think that this was a very good start, but you need to add more to your draft. You have your ideas and some information down, but now it will only be beneficial to you to make your draft longer and include more information.

Good start, now just build upon what you already have.

alysters said...

your ideas are great, they make sense. but the length just doesn't fit in. try to make your paragraphs longer and with quotes that will fit the points you are trying to make.

write a strong introduction, it will help your paper flow :)

but i do see where you are going with this. it just needs work to be done :)